On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
