4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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