AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
