I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
