Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
