i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
