So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize