Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
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I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
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I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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