I can tuck mytits in my pants
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
