Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
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I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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