I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
