gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
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I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
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C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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