I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
