So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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