Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
PANTIES FOUND
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