He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
