I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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