yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This is the high leading the old right now
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
