MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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