so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
