My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
