I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
