After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
