we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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