He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
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i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
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my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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