Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
