State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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