two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
