My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
