1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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