hotel room ftw
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
