someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
