Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
