tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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