There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
