I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
