Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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