woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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