I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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