We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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