You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
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He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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