Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
