I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
