using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
