So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Houston, we have a squirter
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
