I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
