talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
