My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
