Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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