Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
