my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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