i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
