I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
