I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
