i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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