why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
