All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Floor bacon is actually really good
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
