i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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