You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Randomize
