I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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