it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
