Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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