Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
