Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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