why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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