So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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