"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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