youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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