I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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