No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
