We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
