somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
