i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
