listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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