Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
