Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid