I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
