If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
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I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
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some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.