Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
