so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.