She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
