She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
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She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.