you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
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He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
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Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.