I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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