it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
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despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
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I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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