My sheets look like a crime scene.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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