forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
