I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Of course I have a pirate flag
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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