I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
